Relax guys, I’m not dead, I’m just not on Facebook. Yes, I am one of those people. You’ve heard of us, you may even know one of us. And contrary to what you may think, we are alive, we are happy and if you’re like me, and still have your Platinum Facebook Virginity, you really have no idea what the big deal is. Let’s take a look at what that life has been like.
I have spent years trying to figure out the David Phenomenon. Believe me I have. That’s why I’m writing this. Why, after I say my name, will people instantly light up and either A) Tell me their husband, son, uncle, brother, teacher’s dog is also named David or B) They themselves tell me their name is David?
There’s always been the biggies that have impressed humankind. Sunrises and sunsets, meteors, mountain vistas, fireworks. These are kind of the old guard pantheon of what jiggles our juices. But I’m wondering, as so many thinkers do these days with regards to how our modern tech is changing us, how today’s technology and instant communicative abilities has changed both what we find impressive and how our level of impressiveness is in response, to put it rather lumpy and awkwardly.
We all scroll mindlessly through our various feeds and we can’t help but see the click bait headlines. Buzzfeed, Lifehack, Cosmo, LifeBuzz, MSN, Scoopwhoop (this is a thing?), it’s an endless list of daily tasks that we are doing wrong, that experts say we can do better, and let me teach you. If I choose to eat a pineapple the fruit makes it into my mouth, and if I decide that cake is my goal for the day, that too tends to get inside my mouth. As far as I am aware, I am eating, have not caught on fire, and am not bleeding out. So tell me dear sweet internet, am I really doing it that wrong? Really?
Why, oh why, are people wearing their shoes inside on TV and in movies? And I don’t mean just walking around, after coming in the door with the groceries and bringing them to the kitchen. No no. I mean full on lounging around the house in overstuffed chairs, on the couch, on the floor watching TV, and the biggest demon of them all, in your dear sweet clean soft fluffy bed. Are you triggered yet?
Three years ago a town in Italy decided they wanted to have the Foo Fighters come and play a concert just for them. Why? Dunno. Don’t particularly care. Perhaps the wine from that region has a particularly high Foo content. Either way, the brainchild of the operation knew a stunt was needed to draw the attention of the Foos and the stunt had to be big. And it was.
Remember with me the time spent in between work and school and travelling. Think more specifically about the time spent without a smartphone in your hand. What did you do? Like actually truly do with the time spent before (insert 73 different apps here)? It’s something I’ve been thinking back on recently.
My question is, what is pushing the need to put something in the comment box at all? What drives this desire? I think everyone has the same general stereotype of what the prototypical serial commenter looks like, but I’m not particularly concerned with them. The real trolls of the world are probably not spending their energy on some obscure article unearthed by Flipboard that has generated only seven comments. Those trolls have actual real trolling to do.
Have you ever been shopping in a store, any store really, and found something on display that seemed so out of place that it stopped you in your tracks? I don’t mean finding one of the many things people discard randomly from their grocery cart, we’ve all seen that before. And this situation in itself can certainly be hilarious.
As most people know, Google (and of course Wikipedia and other online resources) is an incredibly powerful resource. And if you know how to use it properly to dig into the layers of information, amazing depth of understanding on any topic can be created in a relatively short period of time. In my myopic naivety I assumed that everyone would be taking advantage of this insane new toy and searching for Fun Facts during all of their spare time. As it turns out, this seems to not be a pastime for the masses. Who knew? Probably everyone except myself.